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Over the next two decades, Americans are projected to inherit $105 trillion in assets, part of what wealth advisors have dubbed The Great Wealth Transfer.
For many, the generational shift is well underway. Getting an inheritance can be a momentous event, as it often provides the kickstart needed to buy a home, build wealth, or launch into adulthood.
But with a growing wealth divide in the country, it's no wonder that many would-be inheritors count their chickens before they've hatched – in a gambit that's equal parts entitlement and 'desperate' optimism.
While you may wish to leave an inheritance to your adult children, you don't need to share every detail. Here are 12 reasons why advisors recommend not telling your adult children exact amounts, and the one instance when it may be a good idea.
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It can reduce motivation or independence
Knowing a large inheritance is looming may reduce your adult children's drive to save, work, and build financial independence — especially if you're already supporting them in their 30s, 40s, and beyond.
Certainly, parents want to help their children. But telling them they have a large windfall coming can quickly shift self-reliance to ambition drift and a trust-fund mentality.
You feel uncomfortable discussing inheritance amounts
Talking about money is already hard, but throw in death, wealth, and inheritance into the mix, awkward conversations can quickly become a minefield.
Your children may be curious, but it's none of their business. And while advisors generally agree your adult children need some insights into your finances, it's more about the logistics — where documents are, who to call, how things are managed — and not about account balances.
It can create or intensify family conflict
Money has a way of bringing out the worst in us, especially at the family dinner table. Advisors caution that sharing inheritance amounts too early can trigger entitlement, resentment, or sibling rivalry — even among close-knit families who otherwise get along.
Once expectations are set, any future changes can feel underhanded or manipulative.
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Exact dollar amounts are unreliable
An inheritance isn't a fixed number. Market swings, inflation, health-care costs, and long-term care expenses can dramatically eat away at funds.
Advisors caution that today's balance doesn't reflect tomorrow's reality, especially in retirement. Sharing a precise figure anchors expectations to numbers that may never materialize.
It can prolong financial dependence
Estate attorneys and advisors caution that discussing inheritance amounts too early can reinforce dependence.
For adult children already being supported, the promise of a future windfall — worth, say, 30 years' salary — can weaken the drive toward financial independence.
Avoiding disclosure may encourage your children to prioritize career advancement and savings.
It can complicate expectations
Once adult children know a dollar amount, they may start planning their lives around it. These premature hopes can influence career decisions, spending habits, or major purchases.
If the inheritance later changes, disappointment often follows, even if parents never promised anything in the first place.
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Circumstances change
Life rarely unfolds according to plan. Advisors warn that longevity can significantly alter estate outcomes. Several down years in the market and a few emergency home repairs can drain even the most well-funded of retirement plans.
Today's excess wealth may wind up funding tomorrow's leaky roof.
Uneven inheritances are awkward
Not all inheritances are split evenly, and explaining why can be uncomfortable.
Unequal distributions are often based on caregiving roles or your children's evolving financial needs. Some advisors recommend having the awkward conversation now to avoid future misunderstandings. Others recommend leaving a clear letter of intent that outlines your reasoning after your passing.
"John, you're a billionaire tech executive and don't need my money, while Mindy, you're a kindergarten teacher," will go over a lot better than saying "John, you get nothing."
Prevent unwanted attention
If inheritance details leak beyond immediate family, they can attract unwanted attention — from extended relatives, acquaintances, or even bad actors.
Keeping amounts private reduces the risk of pressure, expectations, or uncomfortable conversations about how wealth should be used.
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Longevity could wipe out your assets
Longevity risk is one of the biggest unknowns in retirement planning. Advisors stress that assets exist first for your well-being and long-term care, not your children's future inheritances.
Today's advances in health care may allow retirees to live decades longer than expected — significantly reducing savings.
Inheritances often arrive when least needed
Estate attorneys point out that inheritances frequently arrive in a child's 50s or 60s, long after major life milestones. Thus, inheritances often benefit grandchildren more than children — another reason parents may avoid emphasizing amounts too early.
Plans for charitable giving may evolve
Cerulli reports that $18 trillion of future wealth transfers are expected to go to charity. Many parents adjust their charitable plans over time, choosing to give more during life rather than at death. Sharing rigid figures too early limits flexibility as philanthropic goals evolve.
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When you should be crystal clear on future numbers
Some parents don't intend to leave their children an inheritance. Instead, they'd rather have their assets go to charities and philanthropic causes that help the many. History has shown that most inherited wealth – 90% — gets squandered within the next two generations.
Telling them now, and documenting your wishes, can stave off dashed expectations or surprises – and keep your legacy intact.
It's not mere stinginess. Many just don't want their money to be frittered away, like actor Jackie Chan, whose son will inherit nothing. "If he is capable, he can make his own money," said Chan. "If not, he will just be wasting my money."
In cases like these, it may be better to openly communicate your intentions now.
Bottom line
You don't need to share exact inheritance amounts you plan to leave your adult children, but you do need to prepare them by sharing the structure of your estate and where documents are stored, or if you plan to leave no inheritance whatsoever.
Even in retirement, your priority should be to build retirement wealth and protect your long-term financial security — goals that should come before supporting future heirs.
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